The Ultimate Fad Diet

Trigger Warning: Emetophobia 

You know those crazy diets you see in the headlines of gossip magazines at the supermarket checkout? Or those wrap things all over Instagram?

Well, I didn't believe any fad weight loss plans worked. Not until I tried a brand new one. I lost 35 pounds! This revolutionary new lifestyle is called the Mysterious Undiagnosed Abdominal Disease, or MUAD for short.

The cool thing about MUAD is that you can eat whatever you want, and still drop pounds. I stick to a mostly healthy diet of veggies, fruit and whole grains, with the occasional venti white mocha or huge slice of cheesecake. 

Here's how it works: You eat 3 balanced meals a day, plus lots of water and a couple light snacks. And then... you throw up. Violently. Every single day, and sometimes more than once. You get the shakes, you feel hot and clammy, and you think you're going to die. Your abdomen is excruciatingly sore, 24/7. Even the slightest touch makes you flinch and tear up. You can't leave the house without a few thick plastic bags, a ton of Gravol and an intense fear of dying of embarrassment. 

But who cares, because you're losing weight! Right? 

Wrong.

The truth is, I don't believe in fad diets. I believe they're bullshit. They're expensive, they fuck with your self worth, and the majority of people who lose weight on them gain back all the weight, and then some. 

I do have a Mysterious Undiagnosed Abdominal Disease. And I did lose 35 pounds in 6 months. But it wasn't on purpose. And I wouldn't call this a revolution. More like a curse. 

I've cut down on caffeine, dairy and spicy foods. I drink tea and clear sodas to calm my nausea. I take Prevacid to keep my stomach acid at bay. I've had a colonoscopy, a gastroscopy, a stomach emptying test and multiple abdominal ultrasounds (all of which show absolutely nothing). 

I'm tired of being in pain. I'm tired of the way this illness has affected my career and social life. I'm tired of the impact this illness has on my other illnesses. 

But all my doctors see is that I've lost weight. And apparently that's a victory. Even when it's not the goal. Even when it comes at so high a cost.

I'd celebrate, I guess, but... I'd rather stick my head in a garbage can. Again.

Weight Loss is Bad For You-- Really!

I went to the doctor earlier this week. During the usual check-up, she asked about my chronic fatigue. When I said it hadn't improved, she said "you'll have to lose weight".

As a practitioner of Health at Every Size, this upset me. Especially because she knows I practice HAES, that I do exercise and eat healthy, and my weight is still high (not to mention a non-issue).

So when she took my blood pressure, it was slightly elevated. I've never had high blood pressure, so I assume it's from stress (from our chat). Here's the conversation that ensued:

Dr: You have high blood pressure. You have to lose weight.

Me: There's no proof weight loss cures high blood pressure. What would you tell a thin person to do?

Dr: But you're not thin.

Me; At my smallest, 120-something pounds, I didn't have high blood pressure. I was told to lose weight but I didn't. AND I didn't develop high blood pressure until 10 years later.

Dr: That's not possible.

Me: Yes it is. Because it happened to me. Check my file.

Dr: Well you still need to lose weight. Your weight is not healthy.

Do these people (who push weight loss) even listen to themselves? Logical, intelligent individuals forgo all that in attempts to force people like me to lose weight, even though there's not a shred of evidence that losing weight will make us healthier. [Diets do not lead to sustained weight loss or health benefits for the majority of people]

It's absurd.

In most of my blog posts I conclude with a paragraph or two that wraps up the issue at hand with a neat little bow. But to be honest, I can't do that with this post, because this issue still isn't resolved. I'm not sure what to do, past lowering my sodium intake and continuing to at healthy and exercise-- and ignore all "you need to lose weight" messages.

Have you experienced this? What did you do?