Some Valentine's Day Ideas

Now that February is here, Valentine's Day is on nearly everyone's mind. Here's some advice from yours truly, plus some of your favourite celebs-- for single ladies, couples & BFFs.

Delicious wine & a movie. Amy Lee suggests: "If you're single, watch a movie like Dirty Dancing or Sleepless in Seattle and drink plenty of red wine".

Vantines aren't only for lovers. Send an anonymous love note to someone you admire.

"Buy your own chocolate! Not from the drugstore- go someplace decadent like Godiva and spend $30 on a box of the good stuff. It's so luxe to treat yourself," enthuses writer Jennifer Weiner.

If you're not a chocoholic, go for a nice bottle of pink champagne, as Lauren Weisberger suggests. Your friends will love it too!

Self-love is essential. Take this opportunity to buy yourself a little treat, like a vibrator or lingerie. You're hot & you deserve it!

An awesome idea from Jennifer Garner: "If you don't have a boyfriend, just grab your girlfriends and go. My best Valentine's Day, I took my friend, both of us were single, and said, 'Screw it, we're going to go have a romantic weekend.' We went to the wine country, we stayed in romantic bed-and-breakfasts, and we had wine tastings and great meals and massages. We were surrounded by couples in love, and we did not care."

If you're in a relationship, do as Dan Savage says & "fuck first, eat later". Skip the crowds by having a late, romantic dinner-- one that follows mind-blowing orgasms and a fabulously intimate few hours together.

There are more ideas to come, but I thought I'd get you started! Do you have any ideas to share?

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On Break-Ups

I've been in three (romantic) relationships. All three were disasters. All three break-ups were disasters. But I've learned a lot from them.

Break-up #1

I was 18. Serge was 20. The experienced, slightly older guy. I think that's all I saw in him. That, and he seemed to like me, which made my self-esteem swell.

Things started going downhill when he said "you have such a good head on your shoulders! You mustn't really suffer from depression. You don't need antidepressants". I thought I could overlook that ignorance, but he started telling me to change numerous things about myself-- my weight, my hair colour, my taste in music.

What really got to me was when he said he'd be away for the weekend and couldn't talk. And he didn't get in touch with me until a week later, when he said he'd made the whole thing up, he was just sick of me.

I know I can be clingy. But that was unnacceptable.

What I learned:

It's healthy to evolve in a relationship, or to improve or change little things about yourself to make the other person happy. But when you're expected to become a completely different person just to make your lover happy? Dealbreaker.

Break-up #2

Siri was a lovely, curvy blonde from Norway. We loved the same music, Scandinavian culture & burlesque.

Three things tore us apart: Distance. My Borderline (I wasn't dealing with it well at the time, at all). Her insecurity.

And her friends interfered in our relationship. A lot. I'm not ready to talk about that part though.

What I learned:

Some relationships just can't be saved. Just hope you grew as a person & keep calm and carry on.

Break-Up #3

This is the big one. It's still a raw, open wound. It happened today.

Kamen and I were friends. We met through a mutual friend named Nelly. She's English. Kamen's American. I'm Canadian. Of course distance was a problem from the start. (WHY do I always fall for people who live far away?!).

We each developed a crush on each other... And I confessed it during a late-night facebook chat. He said that he felt the same way. Within a couple months, our crushes turned into love. I'd never felt like that about a person before. I thought we'd last forever.

I went to visit him in the summer, then again in September. I took the bus, because it was all I could afford. I spent at least 70 hours total on buses & in Greyhound stations, but I felt it was worth it. I'd do anything for him. Anything.

Toward the end of my stay with him (the very end of November 2011), I had to look up an address. He let me use his phone (I didn't have wifi or 3G that day). I'm not used to Androids so I accidentally hit a button that brought up his latest text messages. Messages from his friend Victoria (who I thought was my friend, too), belittling me for suffering from a mental illness, making light of my emotions, & worst of all, saying I'd kill myself if he left me, but he had to because I was a crazy bitch.

I understand being angry. I know things are said out of spite and hurt sometimes. But making light of a serious mental illness? Laughing about something I'd only ever confided in him about, with his friend? That crossed a line.

Our relationship slowly died after that. And now it's fucking dead and buried. I'm better off that way.

I'm still trying to figure out what the lesson I've learned from this relationship is. So far, here's what I've got: Travelling across the continent alone has shown me I'm braver and more independent than I thought. Dealing with my suicidal thoughts, panic attacks & his cruelty regarding them has made me a much stronger person. But most importantly:

I'm not bitter. I still believe in love. Even if, romantically, I'm alone for the rest of my life, I know love is real, because the empathy my friends and family have shown me is pure and wonderful and exsquisite. Plus, love isn't just romance. I'm in love with books, cities, feelings & ideas.

"My faith in love in still devout"...