So It's Decided

I feel like-- and I pray that-- this is the beginning of a big change in my life. Something new. Something exciting.

I am going to be affluent, poised, beautiful, enchanting, helpful, and filthy rich.

I'm tired of subsisting on too little; too little money, too little space, too little time, too little accomplished, and especially too little energy.

I'm going to travel more. Be more independent. I'm going to give more away and get more in return. I'm going to write. I'm going to talk. I'm going to devour delicious food and paperback novels and wear exquisite dresses and give my family my all and make some kind of impact in my readers' and clients' lives.

I'm tired of being sick and sick of being tired. I work work work at something (or nothing) for 36+ hours, until I pass out in bed, wilted. I can't do this anymore. And I won't.

My notebooks are empty. My bank accounts are empty. My suitcase is sitting, unused and dusty.

I eat greasy pizza and Red Delicious apples and potato chips and not much else. I don't exercise because I don't have the strength. I have my period 29 days out of 30 and cramps that kill and headaches that are relentless. My health is lousy. My face is scarred. I still have panic attacks. My sleep isn't restorative.

I'm going to get past these things, all these things, and soon. I just know it. I'm working hard. I'm trying to get healthier. I'm praying. I will do everything it takes to be healthy and happy and affluent and poised and beautiful and enchanting and helpful and rich.

Nothing can stop me now.