16 Before 2016

I'm really into setting goals (and celebrating when I achieve them!), so I love the idea of 16 before 2016, a goal setting challenge created by Lisa Jacobs. So here's my list:

1. Launch our holiday project at The Selectively Silent Child. I'm so excited about it!

2. Wear more hats.

3. Eat more avocados. Part because they're delicious, but mainly because I just learned that avocados help relieve arthritis pain.

4. Rewatch Les Miserables (1935). Today I rewatched the 2012 musical version, so now I have such an urge to watch my other favourite film version.

5. Make plans to visit my step dad in January or February. 

6. Get referred to a hematologist, psychiatrist, gynecologist, and a new endocrinologist, and make appointments with my other specialists. The life of a spoonie is so much fun! Not.

7. Rearrange my home office.

8. Make falafel.

9. Write about PCOS.

10. Write about the relationship between medication, weight gain and body positivity.

11. Find more fat acceptance, fatshion and body positivity blogs to follow.

12. Take outfit photos at least once. It's been ages!

13. Pitch an article.

14. Moisturize daily! So important, especially during Canadian winters.

15. Look into CBT and/or DBT for 2016.

16. Write about 2015. Between Fibro fog and simply living a busy (and mostly productive) life, 2015 feels like a whirlwind. I want to take some time to focus on my accomplishments and cherished memories, and consider how to make next year even better than this one.

*Italics = in progress & struck out = completed

What do you have planned for the rest of 2015? Share in the comments below!

Momentum: My Word For 2015

Whether it's reaching Fat Is Not a Bad Word's audience, or reaching my goals, or even reaching the end of the block (thanks to my chronic fatigue and arthritic ankle), it sometimes seems like I'm moving so slowly, that I'm not getting anywhere at all.

That's why momentum is my word of the year.

Getting to where you want to be takes a lot of time and effort, especially if you're fat; fewer people take you seriously, it's harder to get a job, you have to spend longer in front of the mirror to make yourself look 'acceptable'-- and even more so if you're also disabled. I'm frustrated with how society's reactions toward my size and my disabilities limit me, but I won't let them stop me. Even when I feel like giving up. 

The more I try, the more I push myself, the more baby steps I take, the more consistent I am, the more momentum I build. Good things rarely come easy, but they will come if I keep going.

What's your word for 2015?

The art pictured above is borrowed from Brave Mable. You can see more & purchase art here.

5 Goals for 2013

As 2013 begins, setting goals is on my mind. I don't believe in resolutions, but mapping out an idea of what I want to work towards this year? That's an idea I can get behind! Here are my 5 main goals for 2013:


1 A 365 project. I tried the 365 self portraits project in 2011 and only got to 70 before losing motivation. This year, I'll aim to take one photo each day, of anything: myself, my friends and family, my projects and surroundings. Here's hoping I'll beat my previous accomplishtment.

2 Earn more income from freelancing. I know (and know of) freelancers who are making 5- and 6-figure salaries! I'm relatively new, especially to charging for my work (I've done quite a few unpaid, but worthwhile projects as well as some paid projects), but I feel 2013 is the time to really make a leap in terms of supporting myself creatively.

3 Buckle down and get my other projects, like my mental health coaching, and Stars and Stripes Eh on their feet.

4 Travel! This is obvious, but I feel the need to list it, all the same.

5 Get healthy. I often feel hopeless about this, because it seems I have the odds stacked against me-- chronic fatigue, PCOS, Panic Disorder-- but I'm determined to fight for my health. I want to eat more fruit, vegetables and whole grains, and exercise more. Weight loss isn't my goal; fitness is. And I'm determined!

What are your goals for 2013? 

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Setting Goals: 25 Before 25

Last year I completed my 20 Before 20 bucket list... this year I'm going to begin a new one: 25 Before 25.

Lots of bloggers have their own spin on the bucket list, like Goddess Leonie's 100 Things To Do In 2012 (which I emulated), and Nubby Twiglet's simple list of goals. I'm going to make my own and blog about each goal I reach.

Just shy of 21 years of age, I feel it's time for me to embark upon my 25 before 25.

1 Spend a winter in Florida.

2 Earn a degree.

3 Be published in a glossy magazine.

4 Visit Canada's maritimes.

5 Pay off my credit card debt.

6 Interview Amanda Palmer.

7 Learn Finnish

8 Find my body's healthy weight and learn to embrace it

9 See a country concert in Nashville

10 Get a waist training corset

11 Make at least my personal annual financial goal from my freelance writing business alone

12 Memorize a favourite poem

13 Learn to make black forest cake, casserole, cornbread and gnocchi from scratch

14 Visit another continent

15 Swim in the ocean

16 Improve my sense of self worth

17 Drink a manhattan in Manhattan

18 Perform a burlesque routine

19 Visit New Orleans

20 See My Chemical Romance live

21 Visit the Smithsonian museums

22 Spend a day at Disney Land.

23 Perfect my Elevator Pitch.

24 See the Aurora Borealis

25 Take part in a professional pinup photo shoot

Do you have a similar list of goals?

100 Things to do in 2012

I love lists. I love goals. And I love Goddess Leonie's Goddess Guidebook, which totally advocates both of these things. Leonie shared her 100 Things To Do In 2012 list & that inspired me to do the same.

Some of these things are frivolous and fun, while others are more goal-oriented or related to self-improvement or career. All of them are important to me. Let's go!

1. Find the best lip stain for me & wear it beautifully
2. Figure out what 'my drink' is
3. Go for a long hike in High Park
4. Moisturize more often
5. Find the perfect pushup bra
6. Visit a few of my favourite cities
7. Go to the ocean!!!! I haven't been in years and I crave it like nothing else
8. Get over my ex completely
9. Spend more time and energy on loving myself
10. Kiss a girl
11. Kiss a boy
12. Publish an article on Selective Mutism in a magazine or newspaper
13. Have a fantastically indulgent "staycation" with my Maman
14. Get my eyebrows done professionally
15. And a manicure
16. Interview Emilie Autumn when she comes to Canada this year (!!!) 
Read the article here!
17. Meditate more
18. Bake muffins
19. Bring sandwiches to the homeless gentlemen near my favourite library
20. Go to a musical (preferably on Broadway!)
21. Go to a concert (Emilie Autumn). Maybe another?!
22. Dance in moonlight, say spells & be more spiritual overall
23. Get my ears repierced
24. Start a savings account
25. Apply to a college or university program. Probably Journalism.
26. Learn basic typography
27. And html
28. And graphic design
29. Write a short story
30. Try yoga
31. Visit another country
32. Take the train
33. Paint something beautiful
34. Work on my passive streams of income
35. Become more fluent in French
36. Start learning Finnish (again!)
37. Declutter my bedroom
38. Invest in a DSLR
39. And a better tripod
40. Set up my etsy store
41. Write an article on Trichotillomania
42. Perfect the art of the casserole!
43. Send a PostSecret
44. Tell a stranger she's beautiful
45. Go swimming
46. Finish an entire tube of lip balm
47. Go to an opera
48. Share a popsicle (the kind that break in half!) with a friend when it's really hot out
49. Leave a huge tip
50. Visit the Niagara Hershey's Factory
51. Have a slumber party with my best friends
52. Visit Stacy in Ottawa
53. Visit Kayla in CT
54. Ride a ferris wheel
55. Ride a carousel
56. Spend a day at the ROM
57. Spend a day at the library
58. Spend a day writing at Second Cup
59. Buy some fabulous high heels
60. Try quilling
61. Make a cross-stitch sampler
62. Acquire a classic circle skirt to wear with my crinoline
63. Treat a friend to cupcakes at Sweet Escape or Dufflet's
64. Treat myself to dinner in Little Italy
65. Give something fabulous away on RebeccaEsther.com... for free :)
66. Join LinkedIn Rebecca Esther on LinkedIn.
67. Join Flickr
68. Condition my hair more frequently
69. Practice making prints (block prints, letterpress, etc)
70. Print out a bunch of my photos and fill a photo album
71. Improve my photography skills
72. Work on Living Creatively (a new project that's in progress!)
73. Support more independent artists, more often
74. Memorize a beautiful poem
75. Volunteer at a burlesque show (I haven't in ages and I miss that!)
76. Flirt with someone cute :)
77. Get business cards printed
78. Take part in an LGBT/Pride event
79. Do something political, like volunteer for the NDP
80. Eat some chocolate-dipped cookies from Steeles Bakery
81. Not ready to talk about this one, but it has to do with my friend Veronica.
82. Celebrate Shabbat
83. Be my own valentine
84. Celebrate Easter
85. Celebrate Samhain
86. Celebrate Christmas
87. Get all dolled up and go to a bar (solo!)
88. Ace my Human Sexuality course
89. Visit the Smithsonian museums
90. Buy a corset
91. Do something wild & fabulous with my hair
92. Make sea salt or sugar scrub
93. Go sledding
94. Write a guest post for someone's blog
95. Be hired to help a business with copy writing or editing
96. Read a really great memoir
97. Make handmade sachets
98. Buy a huge tote bag or carry-on luggage (for day trips)
99. Find amazing Canadian companies with whom to work
100. Make someone smile every single day

The ones I've done are struck out. .

What's on your 2012 To Do list?

Image Source.

What do you want to do this summer?

Source: unknown

As the days get warmer and brighter, it's hard to resist fantasizing about romantic picnics, sunny beaches and ice cream cones...  This is a great time to think about what you most want to accomplish this summer! This can be anything from the intense and ambitious, like studying abroad, to the frivolous and fun, like trying lots of different nail colours. Go wild!

Here are some suggestions.

♥  Spend a day at the ocean. There's something special about salty air and the ocean's waves. If you can't get to the seashore this summer, a lake, creek or pool will do! Grab your most glamorous sunnies and perhaps some poutine and a novel to enjoy while laying in the sand. Have fun!

♥ Share a yummy, ice-cold drink with someone you like. The two of you, two straws, one glass. Delicious! This leads us to my next idea...

♥ Stay hydrated. That's always important, but especially so when it's hot out. If you don't like water, try squeezing lime into your Evian or drinking iced tea instead.

♥ Devour a book you've always wanted to read. I'm reading The Stream Runs Fast. I admire Nellie McClung + have wanted to read her memoirs for a long time. Why not this summer?

♥ Hit the road! Summer is a great time to travel. Whether it's a month overseas or a day-trip to a town near yours, getting away is always enjoyable.

♥ Wear something that makes you feel beautiful. A bikini? A sleek maxi dress? A poofy mini skirt? Go for it, gorgeous!

Happy summer!!

Getting this off my chest...

I'm posting sooner than I expected to be. I need to get this off my chest. Maybe it will help you, too. Here goes:

I'm sad. I'm tired. I'm stressed about school, despite how soon it will be over. I'm nervous about being nervous about my upcoming trip.

I see my entire life stretched out before me, this vast expanse of beautiful, crisp, clean canvas waiting for me to paint all over it in all my favourite colours. That's not scary for me; it's empowering.

What is scary for me? I'm afraid of my mental illness holding me back from achieving my dreams.

I guess it's normal to fear that something that's limited you for a long time will limit you for the rest of your life. When I was Selectively Mute, I thought I would never be able to speak in public, despite how hard I was working to cope with my anxiety. Maybe this is the same sort of situation. I'm scared I'll never be happy and successful because I've spent a long time not being happy or successful.

This self-fulfilling prophecy stops here.

When I am aware of them, I will question my unhealthy thoughts, my Borderline tendencies. I know I won't catch them all the time and I know I won't always be able to control them (afterall, Borderline Personality Disorder is chronic). But trying counts for a lot. I can do this.

And whatever you're struggling with, whether it's your (or a loved one's) mental illness, a big change on your horizon or something completely different, I know you can do it, too.

Fuck Plan B + A Celebratory Edition of Tuesday Tunes

You're passionate about something-- maybe it's writing, baking or making music. You happen to be really good at that something, too. You're determined to make a career out of it. But-- everyone around you says "That's nice. It'll never work. What's plan b?".

I know the feeling. Growing up, my creativity was praised, but I was pressured into taking classes I hated "just in case". I was made to stress over my math marks "in case you want to be a teacher, if writing doesn't work out for you". I never wanted to be a teacher. I was never good at math. I never even liked math. I was sent to summer camp instead of being allowed time to read novels and write poetry.

I know my parents and educators meant well, but sometimes meaning well doesn't cut it. Neither does following the advice that's perpetuated by well-meaning (albeit clueless) peers and 'mentors'.

If you're fortunate enough to be in love with something you're good at, embrace it. Don't fight it in the name of being 'sane' or 'practical'. Don't waste your time "building extravagantly safe back-up plans" when you could be honing your craft and growing more enamoured by the second, of whatever it is that makes your heart sing.

On that note: last night was life-changing. I felt so validated and empowered by the twittersphere, especially by my favourite DIY-er/artist/musician (quite possibly my favourite person, period), Amanda Palmer. Amanda announced on her twitter, "so i advised @tomdickins to "fuck plan b" and he actually quit his job & is now ready to starve & toil".

That's when twitter started to go insane. Countless tweets about "fucking plan b" poured in. I sent my own tweet to Amanda: "Would you advise a young writer, just out of school, to also "fuck plan b"? I am [fucking plan b]. Everyone I know thinks I'm crazy. Worth it?". She replied, "fucking plan b is often the only way forward".

That settles it.

Furthermore, "...even failing plan a spectacularly is better than half-assing it from behind plan b".

Amanda has no idea how many young artists, poets, dreamers and others she's inspired to just do it, to dive in, work on what makes them happy and "fuck plan b". I am one of many. And that's an incredible, exhilarating feeling.

While you're soaking up the euphoria that comes from being told yes, you can make a career out of what makes you happy and yes, it's been done before and you can do it too and yes, your happiness matters...

It's Tuesday Tunes here at etched in tin. In honour of "fuck plan b"... This week's edition features independent musician Tom Dickins. His EP just came out. It's fabulous. It's called Majesty and Misery + can be yours for just $5. Go buy it!

While you're at it, Amanda Palmer's Amanda Palmer Goes Down Under is just $0.69 + features Tom on the song "Bad Wine and Lemon Cake". Download it too!

Finally, the thought I most want to leave you with: You can do this. Fuck plan b. Your happiness is worth it.