Pudgy Middle Fingers Up

I have curves in all the 'wrong' places.

Sometimes I eat two or three donuts in one sitting.

My back rolls and tummy rolls don't magically disappear when I stand up.

My upper arms are thicker than some people's thighs.

My wrists aren't delicate, my fingers aren't slender, my ankles aren't shapely.

My clothing is rarely what stylists would call 'flattering'. I refuse to minimize my size.

I use a cane. I have multiple chronic illnesses. I'm not healthy.

The truth is, I'm not a 'good fatty'. And I don't care.

Dear Fatphobes: Eat Shit!

Actually, it's "supposed" to be the other way around: Elaine Yu, a researcher at Massachusetts General Hospital, is conducting a clinical trial to see whether swallowing pills made of thin people's freeze-dried fecal matter will make fat people thin.

You read that right. Fecal matter. Poop. Fatphobes have basically been telling fat people to "eat shit" for years, and now they want to make us literally eat shit. For science. For our own good.

I call bullshit. There's so much wrong with this. It's a joke!

For starters: There's a shit ton (sorry) of bacteria in feces. There's a reason we wash our hands after going to the bathroom. Can you imagine licking your hands after flushing the toilet? Ew. I hope you have health insurance.

And then there's the fact that long term weight loss is "almost impossible". If a risky crash diet or a deadly eating disorder or just not eating for a couple weeks probably has the same efficacy as swallowing a stranger's excrement, why not try one of the former? Less yucky, just as useless.

What concerns me most about this study, though, is that there are actually people who are invested in this. You can bet your ass (sorry again) Elaine Yu is being paid big bucks for this. Massachusetts General must be hoping for a miracle here. And countless women are wistfully daydreaming about how they'll actually be treated like human beings if they can just find a damn diet pill that works.

They're shit out of luck. 

I'm convinced that one day, we'll all come around and realize Health At Every Size is the way to go. Until then, let's enjoy this shit show.

Selena Gomez, I'm Literally a HUGE Fan

I love being happy with me yall #theresmoretolove 😂

Selena Gomez sought counselling after fat shaming comments.

There's a lot to dissect in that sentence. Let's!

1. Selena Gomez: I really like her. I respect her commitment to improving her singing voice, the fact that she recently came out as having Lupus, and her passion for helping charitable causes like Unicef.

2. sought counselling: Good for her! I think everyone could use therapy. We should all at least give it a try! Therapy teaches valuable coping skills and allows a healthy outlet for anger, sadness and fear. I wish more celebrities would discuss their medical and psychiatric treatments in order to normalize them.

3. fat shaming comments: This is the portion of the sentence during which the little devil on my shoulder has fire coming out of his nose and he jabs me with his pitch fork. "Fat shaming" is a loaded phrase.

Any person, of any size, can be fat shamed. Fat shaming is, quite literally, shaming someone for being fat (whether they are or aren't). It attacks them for being what society deems "too big" to be physically acceptable.

Says Selena to Elle Magazine: "I'd land at the airport and people would yell out, 'You're fat!'" It was awful". [Source].

I don't doubt the awfulness of that kind of public humiliation. Been there, done that. Many times. But Selena's reaction doesn't take into account that:

1. Selena is not fat, and

2. Plenty of Selena's fans are fat, and experience this (and much worse) every single day.

The article continues:

"This was the first year I ever dealt with anyone talking about my body," the singer—​who's been working since the age of seven—said. But the whole ordeal was inspiration for her new album cover. "Even if I did gain weight, I'm fine. That's what the picture represents." 

It must be bliss, reaching the age of 23 before one's body being the topic of discussion! I, and many of my fat colleagues, can recall being told as a child we were "too big" or "eating too much".

And the fact that Selena gained weight and doesn't care? Awesome. Weight shouldn't be her focus when she's just released her fifth studio album, Revival, and is doing what she loves.

But I wonder: Is Selena Gomez okay with gaining weight because she's still in the realm of "acceptable"? She still has a "normal" BMI, doesn't look big next to friends like Taylor Swift, can still fit into designer duds? Or is she okay with gaining weight because she loves herself and her body the way they are, and believes weight doesn't define a person's success or attractiveness?

As a huge fan of Selena (literally and figuratively), I truly hope the latter is accurate.

Maybe, with the success of Revival, will come a revival of pop stars' shunning beauty ideals.

The Intersection of Fat and Disability

Would people react to my disability differently if I weren't fat?

If I weren't fat, would my sudden puking in the middle of a mall be met with offers of ginger ale and sympathy instead of fascination and disdain?

If I weren't fat, would my occasional use of a cane merit respectful volunteering of seats instead of hushed giggling and accusations of "you wouldn't need special accommodations if you didn't eat yourself into a body unable to hold its own weight!"?

If I weren't fat, would my admission that I have PCOS be surprising and upsetting, instead of drawing questions like "so that's why you're so huge?" or "isn't that an obese person's illness?"?

Fat people already aren't viewed as people. Even when they're white and cishet and able-bodied and generally "acceptable" in every way, other than their size. So when a fat person deviates from being "otherwise acceptable", they're even less than less-than human.

I guess I just answered my own question.

Image Source

Riots Not Diets, This New Year

I'm confident and sexy at 300 pounds, so why bother joining the weight loss bandwagon? 

At this time of year, we're inundated with ads for diet pills and shape wear and the latest fads that will zap your fat. Holiday parties are just an excuse for your overbearing relatives to tell you you'd probably  be married and have kids by now if you'd just listen and drop a few. And wanting to look your best when the ball drops can make you wonder if shimmying into a sparkly NYE dress would be easier if you wore a size 6 instead of a 26.

But don't give in to the pressure.

I admit I wasn't always as confident as I am now. I used to diet. I used to starve myself in hopes that I'd be more acceptable to the people around me. I used to listen to the evil little voice in my head telling me I'd be so much happier and prettier loved if I'd just control myself and stop stuffing my face and buy a fucking scale. 

The sense of community dieting offers is appealing (people love to commiserate about how ugly their flabby arms and round waists are and celebrate when they're "being good" and eating salad instead of cake). The cute clothes that only come in straight sizes are appealing. And the idea of strangers not glaring at you for eating a burger or taking a seat on the subway is especially appealing.

But instead of changing the size of our bodies, why don't we change how society treats fat people?

Instead of resolving to lose weight, let's resolve to fight for equal rights, to end girl on girl hate, and to practice self love.

Happy New Year! You're beautiful just the way you are.

Image Source

Let's Love Fat People Like We Love Santa

What's the difference between the average American and Santa Claus? Not waist size. It's the way they're percieved by society.

Santa, is a 'jolly fat man'. Sure, jokes are made at his expense ('Hey Santa, do you really need to eat a cookie at every kid's house?'. 'Couldn't you leave the sleigh at home and walk? LOL!!!1!'), but he's generally adored. 

The average American wears plus size pants too-- and is ridiculed and downright oppressed for that. 

Unless you're Santa, if you're fat, you'll be glared at every time you reach for a cookie. If you're not walking with a big bag of gifts (or something equally heavy) over your shoulder, you'll be criticized for being a lazy slob. You won't have a bright red specially- made outfit to wear. You'll go store to store and try on ugly, over-priced, poor quality clothing and feel like a failure whenever you can't zip or button them.

And when Christmas comes around, instead of cookies and milk and hugs from children, you'll get unsolicited diet tips and a winter coat that makes you look like a blob.

This holiday season, let's be like Santa: Let's judge people as being naughty or nice, not fat or thin.

Image Source

Why I Changed My Blog's Name

Until last week, this blog was called Polish and Sparkle. Now it's Fat Is Not a Bad Word. Why?
 

If I could impart one piece of wisdom to women (people of all genders, but especially women) around the world, it would be that all bodies, no matter their size, are worthy and beautiful, regardless of their representation in the media. Larger bodies are especially abused in the mainstream, simply because of their size, and that's bullshit. Being fat isn't a bad thing. The word itself isn't a bad thing. I wanted to distill that message into a blog title, so Fat Is Not a Bad Word was born.

Besides, the name Polish and Sparkle didn't really encapsulate the message I want to send. That, and a bunch of people mistook it for a blog about nail polish!

I think I was too shy to give my blog a clear name (read: with "fat" in it) and beat around the proverbial bush, talking about body image and fashion and life as a fat girl and how my disability and career and travel are affected by my size, without just saying it, loud and clear: I am a fat person. I'm passionate about helping fat people live the life of their dreams, and not just in spite of their size. I was doing myself, and my readers a disservice by not calling this blog what it really is: a blog for fat people, by a fat person. I love my skinny sisters, but they have Vogue and LouLou and pretty much every fashion and women's lifestyle magazine (and blog, and TV show, etc etc etc). I'm ready to cater to my niche, my interests, my lifestyle, without being afraid I'm leaving out the skinny girls. Kind of like how Essence isn't for white girls and Bust isn't for non-feminists.

Fatphobia and body shaming are a worldwide epidemic. People of size face discrimination every single day, simply because of their size. I won't keep quiet or play nice or hide what I believe under a title that sugar coats it for the fat haters. I won't be a "good fatty". I'll shout it, loud and proud: Fat Is Not a Bad Word.

Image Source (click through and you can actually buy the keychain/necklace pictured, handmade by an artist on Etsy!).

FatIsNotaBadWord

7 year-old me plies and twirls with grace. She loves to dance. But sometimes she can't focus on the barre in front of her or the music on the stereo, because she knows she's the biggest of all the girls in her class. Even a couple adults giggle at her chubby thighs in her little leotard when she's front and centre at the recital.

11 year-old me sits rigid in her chair at school, sucking in her stomach so her classmates won't notice its bulge over her jeans.  They're from the adults' section, not Siblings or Justice or one of those trendy stores all the pretty girls shop at. She tries not to think about that.

13 year-old me sings her Torah portion before an audience of hundreds of friends and family members and her parents' colleagues. This is one of the happiest, proudest days of her life. And her dress is fantastic. But she's still afraid she looks fat in it.

16 year-old me fixates on that word, fat. Boys in her class spew insults laced with the word, as though the big tits and round asses they drool over are worth any less when paired with a round tummy or double chin. As if girls' bodies are eye candy. As if the female population of our school is only there for the boys' entertainment.

22 year-old me looks in the mirror and loves what she sees... often. But some days she can't help but whimper, "why did you let yourself go?". "Why do you eat so much?". "Why must you draw so much attention? Why must you take up space?". 

Now I'm ready to change. But not my body. My fat body is glorious the way it is, rolls and scars and all. No, I'm ready to change society. One size 3X dress, one fatphobic comment, one diet tip at a time. 

Beautiful, chubby little girls should not grow up wanting to be invisible, to stop eating until they fade to nothing, to accept the catcalls and rude remarks and "I'm just worried about your health".

Young women, whether they're a size 2 or a 12 or a 22 or a 32 should never question their worth just because a so-called health magazine or a 'caring' friend or Weight Watchers tells them to. 

The systematic oppression of 'obese' people needs to stop. Now.

Let's reclaim mirrors. Gaze at yourself lovingly, touching every curve, kissing every scar, adoring every inch.

And let's reclaim the very word that tortured us as children, that we waved like a white flag, that we swallowed like a bitter pill and choked on when it got stuck in our throat.

Fat.

FatIsNotABadWord.

Stay beautiful. Love,
Becca

"All About That Bass": Empowering or Problematic?

On Monday I posted that I'm loving Megan Trainor's first single, All About That Bass. Since then, I've been reading what others in the body positive and feminist community think about it. So I thought maybe I'd throw my own hat into the ring and discuss what I find empowering about the song, and what I consider problematic.

Here goes.

Yeah, it’s pretty clear, I ain’t no size two

But just look at Megan in the video. She's not fat. She's within the realm of what society deems acceptable. She's probably a size 4 or 6, even. She has no idea how hard it is to be "unacceptable", to be told by strangers that she's going to die if she eats another cheeseburger, to sob in a department store dressing room because even the largest clothes there won't fit her. 

But... body shaming hurts skinny girls too.  

Then again... "Skinny shaming" is not the same as fat shaming. One results in a few minutes of hurt feelings; the other is a single aspect of the systematic oppression fat people face every single day.

So I agree with those who say 'Bass' isn't so much an anthem for fat girls as it is for what Jenny Trout has dubbed "the fatcepptable movement".

But... At least we're moving in the right direction. Excluding fat girls and putting down skinny girls is definitely not where I want society to be, but with catchy, somewhat empowering, somewhat problematic songs like 'Bass' and Nicki Minaj's 'Anaconda', at least we're getting closer to where we should be.

The other major problem I see with this song is the emphasis on how boys feel about curves. 

"Yeah, my mama she told me don’t worry about your size / She says boys like a little more booty to hold at night".

Part of me snarks, 'thank God! Boys like your booty! Then I guess your body is acceptable'. But is it wrong to care what others think of your body? No. Part of why I love my body is because I know it's fun to touch and others find me attractive. But that's just part of why I love my body. That's the key. So what's problematic isn't that Megan mentions that boys will appreciate her booty; it's that she seems focused on the male gaze, rather than what she loves about how she looks. 

But I can shake it, shake it
Like I’m supposed to do
Cause I got that boom boom that all the boys chase
And all the right junk in all the right places

The above line could go either way; she can 'shake it, shake it' like boys expect her to, or how she feels she's 'supposed to do'. And is she glad that boys feel she has 'all the right junk in all the right places'? Or is that how she feels about herself?

The main aspect of the video itself, that I find could be empowering or problematic (or both) is the dancers. There's one dancer who's fat. Is he highlighted because being fat is 'perfect from the bottom to the top'? Or are he, and the skinny girls in the video, too fat and too thin, respectively, and in the video to demonstrate that only Megan Trainor-sized people are acceptable?

All of that being said, the one lyric that really sticks with me is this one:

If you got beauty beauty, just raise ‘em up
Cause every inch of you is perfect
From the bottom to the top

Doesn't that say something?

To conclude: 'All About That Bass" is somewhat empowering, somewhat problematic, and catchy as fuck. I can't wait to hear Megan Trainor's future releases-- and I hope they'll be just as catchy, but far less problematic than this one.

Still from 'All About That Bass' borrowed from here.

Being Fat

My perfectly imperfect, gorgeous and fat body.

Being fat is awesome; I give good hugs. I'm soft and fun to touch. I look great naked or clothed.

The only things I hate about being fat? The fact that I can't walk into more than 2 stores at my local mall and find something that fits over my head and covers my entire torso, let alone an outfit that's affordable and makes me feel pretty.

That, and the stigma. People stop me in the street and tell me I'm 'killing myself by living an obese lifestyle' (whatever that means?!?!), comment on my Instagram that I'm 'fat and ugly' and I can't get medical care without being told my BMI is off the charts and I should 'probably consider going on a diet'.

But these aren't symptoms of being fat. This is the reality of being fat in a fatphobic world.

I won't change just to fit in to a society that systematically oppresses people of my size, simply because of our size. I will stand, fat and proud, and fight for the right to exist happily, stylishly and without stigma.

Does Obesity Make Kids Do Worse In School?

"You don't like that I'm fat, so you're calling me stupid?"

Does Obesity Make Kids Do Worse In School? I recently read this article, and predictably, it was maddening.

The article starts, "Puberty is hard enough on kids. It's worse for those [who] don't conform to whatever beauty standards pre-teens are aggressively marketed these days". Already, from the second sentence, a there is a tone of casual victim-blaming. Of course school is harder for those to whom a stigma is attached-- life is harder when you're part of a group which is systematically oppressed.

Apparently a new study has found that "for 11-year-old girls, obesity likely affects educational test scores throughout adolescence. For boys, the evidence remains unclear". To which I say: of course (again). Of course girls are more affected by societal pressure to be thin than boys are. This is male privilege.

Further: of course it's likelier that a girl of size (rather than her thinner peer) will not fare well at school. This has nothing to do with how smart, hard-working or capable she is, and everything to do with:

-Fat shaming. 

-Eating disorders.

-Anxiety and depression.

-Bullying.

All of which a person of size is likelier to be affected by.

Instead of digging for reasons why fat people are worth less than our thin peers (hint: we're not!), let's focus on fighting the stigma attached to obesity.